Western Watchins Week 49
Carson City Raiders…you son of a bitch! I got you this week! I watched you and then went right to the internet before I forgot what you were called. In the end it really didn’t matter because all I found was this poster, a half dozen shots of Rocky Lane on Black Jack and then page after page of football shit. And I bet you’re less upset over the fact there’s no good screen-grabs from Carson City Raiders than the fact I called football “shitty”. Look pal, there are only two real sports worth watching in this world: hockey and professional wrestling! What can I say, I like men beating each other off! Or up, I meant up, but who cares and go Sharks!
But even the best team in the NHL and legions of spandex clad lads couldn’t help the fact I was still dismayed at the piddlin’ offerings of the world wide web so I decided to search “Andalusian Fart Finch” just to see what came of it. And this came of it!
Seems some asshole writes about Westerns each week on his frighteningly immature (yet amazingly written) blog that somehow manages to be equal parts self effacing and self pleasuring. Holy shit that’s what I do! And “tentaclechris.com” is my blog! That asshole is me! Well I’m sure if I understood how a Google searched worked I wouldn’t be surprised as I’m probably the only guy that has ever mentioned an “Andalusian Fart Finch” seeing as they don’t actually exist. Or do they? I wrote about them and then a week later if you look them up it leads you back to me! I’m like an internet god or something. A glowing, megalomaniacal and dashingly handsome internet gooooooood! And like most god-dudes I’m selfish and like finding out how awesome I am so when I came across all these self-serving search engine results I kinda felt like this:
I can only imagine that every day Rocky Lane lived he too felt like this and would have ridden atop a bear on top of a shark had he the means to do so. I’ve only seen three of his films but every one has made me smile and damn happy I’m comfortable around firearms, horses, women and whiskey. Carson City Raiders is the best of the bunch I’ve seen so far. Black Hills Ambush will always hold a special place for me as my very first Rocky Lane film but Raiders has a more complex storyline and seems to have it’s editing and overall direction more polished than it’s sequel despite being four years it’s junior. I say “sequel” due to the fact Allan Lane made twenty three more films that he starred in as himself (or some Sheriff-y/Marshall-y version of himself) along side several of the same actors in the same roles (or roles that reference other roles) in one (or more) of the other twenty three movies. Co-stars like euphemism slinging Eddy Waller who plays the crotchety cool local owner of whatever the current script calls for. I reached out to Eddy to fill him in on the fact that no one seems to give two squirts about Westerns anymore and the fact some black guy is now president. This was his response:
Despite the picture, Nugget is rarely shell-shocked or at a loss for words. Words like “dang-nabbit” and “ding-dangit”. He’s a colorful old coot but everyone in this movie is. Well not old or coot-ish but colorful as in real, fleshed out and believable. These movies had to be pumped out every few months or so but God bless em, all involved kind of seemed to give a shit and give the folks headed to the double feature their money’s worth.
Carson City Raiders featured some relatively involved set pieces and even a good deal of intrigue but still delivered on the tried and true punches to the face that made the other two films in what I call the “What’s Available on Netfilx Trilogy” so watchable and enjoyably so. And once again there’s a fair share of gray in a film born from a world when good and bad was still pretty black and white. The Lone Ranger was still riding high and the term “Revisionist Western” was unheard of and while I wouldn’t stand any of Rocky and Nugget’s films toe to toe with the likes of Leone’s or Eastwood’s masterpieces the hints and flavors of a world wherein everything isn’t always so clearly right and wrong can be noted here undeniably.
4 rounds in the cylinder for Carson City Raiders. I’m sure when I eventually run into other Allan Lane Westerns I will love them as well. And the fact that many of them sound like pornos isn’t even the reason. Titles like Desert of Lost Men, Captive of Billy the Kid and A Guy Could Change for example. So by “pornos” I meant “gay pornos”. If you’re offended by this go watch one of his manly sports movies like…Gay Blades!
Oh I got you, you homophobic fuck! And if I didn’t, hooray for you for being a decent human being who believes in a “live and let live” kind of world view (Vote Libertarian!) And vote to look into any offerings from Allan “Rocky” Lane you may come across. You won’t regret it. I laughed and cheered and found myself feeling better on the way out of each one than I did going in which is saying something because despite my near constant pessimism about any number of things I am a genuinely satiated young man. Living an adventurous life will make you so. Be ballsy, throw a few punches here and there and if you believe in something stand the fuck up for it. It’s not easy and it makes you damn sore but every pinch and pain will be a reminder that you’re living the exact damn way you choose too. And that’s not a bad way to live at all.
Now get out there and ride amigos and goddammit, ride true.