Western Watchins #70
If you’ve ever seen a movie so bad it had you thinking “man, this is really bad” then it wasn’t Gang of Roses 2: Next Generation because that one will have you thinking “when did I die and go to hell?” To even call this a movie is quite a stretch (that it’s a sequel is probably a crime.) It’s actually more like a series of vignettes wherein several goddamn terrible actors ply their trade with several goddamn worse ones. By the end of it all I was wishing I was dead. And by the end I mean the beginning. Netflix should file this under its own unique category so right next to “documentaries” and “foreign films” you’d have “what the fuck are you thinking?”
Gang of Roses 2: Next Generation stars Brenda Dumas Aboxorocks, Kylie Cuntfaking Actmawyouttefapaperbaglia and Wiz Khalifa. I did not make up at least one of those names. And “stars” might be too strong of a word. The only true star in this film was not a single fucking person in this film. And don’t go blaming the script because I can assure you there wasn’t a script. Here’s one of the outlaw heroines looking for it:
Any clue where it is girlfriend? Didn’t think so. Spent all that writing money on craft services and push-up bras. Or maybe just the bras because craft services would imply that someone on set was there practicing stagecraft and that wasn’t the case at all. Every single performance was so colossally retarded that Corky from Life Goes On could do nothing but stare and think “there but for the grace of God mother fuckers, there but for the grace of God!”
This whole film stunk of vanity project as if the director had just picked a random weekend to rent out the Paramount Movie Ranch and told all his hip-hop friends to show up with their girlfriends. Like Amber Rose here:
She’s a socialite. I think that means she gives good head. She sure as shit can’t act and is using some flashy neck garb in this scene to try and cover up that fact. Historical costume accuracy be damned right? I can guarantee you Miss Rose thinks “period wardrobe” somehow involves tampons. And if you though she was just doing that Keanu Reeves I’m-a-smart-dude-playing-a-dumb-ass gimmick hang on after the credits for the blooper reel when all your uncertainties will be put to rest. For fifteen minutes by the way. Fifteen fucking minutes of honest mistakes after an hour and seventeen of unforgivable ones. Not during the credits, in addition to them. But if you made it that far you might as well just go ahead and watch to see that behind the scenes everyone was just as miserable making this film as you’ve been watching it. But perhaps I’m being too harsh. Perhaps if you were to view Gang of Roses 2 and find it riveting I could only say that you are a stupid, stupid, stupid…stupid…
Take this scene for example:
In this scene, and many more just like it, nothing actually fucking happens. I believe the filmmakers were relying on witty banter, in lieu of expensive action, to move the story along but when one of the better exchanges is:
“I heard you was gunned down in El Paso.”
“Yeah. El Paso, Missouri, Tennessee and every other big city.”
You realize this film is going nowhere fast. Probably because people don’t know the difference between cities and states. From start to finish you realize that the only marketable skill anyone involved with this production had was the ability to cluster more fucks together in one place than you’ve ever seen in your life. It wholeheartedly rivals Hooded Angels though that cinematic abortion still reigns supreme only in that I found the monumental incompetence of Gang of Roses 2 at least mildly entertaining now and again. Still, do not take that as an endorsement. Do not under any circumstance allow yourself to see this film. Some suggestions on better ways to spend your time would include burying a loved one or finding out if your test results are negative or positive.
Gang of Roses 2: Next Generation is awful. 1 empty round in the cylinder, useless as a fart in a firefight. There has not been this much unexpected fuckery in a motion picture since Caligula. One of Gang‘s actors was supposedly on Saving Grace, unfortunately this movie doesn’t have a one. Even more unfortunately, a third (and mercifully final) installment in the series is in the works. According to the director he wants Part 3 to “rise up to the expectations” of the previous two films. That’s like saying I want the next time piranhas eat my dick to be just like the first two times piranhas ate my dick. And no one wins in that situation, except for dick eating piranhas I suppose. So amigos ride true, ride hard and ride away from this film.
Only way to save your sanity.
And quite possibly your dick.