Andrew Walls is going through some tough times. Lost wages, mental anguish and, according to certain documents, “severe emotional stress”. Is he a former first responder traumatized by an accident? Maybe a veteran returned home after witnessing unspeakable horrors on the battlefield? No food on his table or roof over his head even? Nope on all counts. The startling truth is this: Andy had surgery and when he woke up afterwards he was wearing women’s underwear!

Seems after a colonoscopy the “victim” was fitted with some pink lady’s sundries as a prank by his co-workers, the medical staff of a surgical center. He awoke but only to find his nightmare just beginning. A nightmare that would lead him to litigate presumably after said business failed to settle for the bazillions he was seeking. You know, to cope with the abject terror of being garbed in silk undies. I have no doubt that for some men this would be annoying or slightly disquieting but let’s save any diagnosis preceded by “severe” for kids who get beaten or a woman who got raped or a grunt who saw his buddies blown up right in front of him.

While the option of filing suit to right actual wrongs is one sign of an mature if not enlightened society, preposterous litigation in the name of “I’m a huge sleeze gimme a comparably sized pile of cash” has become too commonplace. Cases like this are despicable and detrimental to the legal system, despoiling the good deeds of those David like attorneys slinging stones at corporate Goliaths and muting the cries of actual people in need. Walls’ own lawyer, Gary Nitsche, would I’m sure disagree. The complaint he filed read in part, “the defendant’s extreme and outrageous conduct went beyond all possible bounds of decency.” His name reminds me of an old quote, something about “when you stare into an asshole, the asshole stares back until you become an asshole you fucking asshole!” I’m paraphrasing but you know that’s just how Gary and Andy got on with each other.

Now perhaps this dress code violation was simply the final straw in an ongoing pattern of harassment but if Mr. Walls had been the target of systemically inappropriate verbal and/or physical molestation up to this point, based on race, creed or color, neither the complaint nor any reporting news agency has made mention of what would surely be a shitstorm creating circumstance. So I’m left to conclude that Andrew Walls is but a schmuck. Maybe he’s a prankster and ended up on the wrong end of a jest for once. Or worse, he’s a bully and the set-upon staff finally gave him a taste of his own medicine.

Either way, it’s not the end of the world.

Unless he’s a closeted crossdresser whose privacy and suffering self-worth were assaulted by the conspiratorial acts of bigoted bastards he needs to go find a good, short pier and take a long, hard go fuck himself. Starving is troubling. Losing a loved one, unsettling. Getting beheaded has to be rather horrible. Wearing panties?

Other than saying I find them rather comfortable, I won’t even dignify that with a response.

Case closed.