Health

Haikuesday

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Stop the excuses

Move a little or a lot

But move goddamit

 

No one replaces toilets like Gaston!

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Had to do just that this week and it just happened to be one of the upstairs bathrooms that needed it. So do the math and then the lifting: a new crapper had to go up and the old one had to come down.

I’m a big fan of functional muscle.

What’s functional muscle? It’s not pretty mirror muscle I’ll tell you that though training consistently and intensely with caridio-tastic compound exercise routines will leave you looking awesome simply as a by-product. But doing 20 sets for your biceps or 500 crunches a day just so you look good will leave you short when it comes to actual performance.

I always explain it like this: Sure, you can sit at the leg press machine and move several hundred pounds for rep upon rep, and your quads as soooo huge and cut but could you run half a mile, scale a ten foot wall and then balance across a beam all the while carrying a sack stuffed with a hundred pounds of steel? Basically is all you do flex and look showy or could you run into a burning building to rescue someone, or get out of a similar situation yourself, under your own power?

Spraying on your abs is a cute trick for a con appearance but it means nothing in a life and death situation. I look good in costume because I train to be prepared for what ever might be headed my way for sport or survival.

It was a nice reminder this week then when I hoisted that big dual flush delicately up the stairs and then the old john nimbly down those same twists and turns without spilling a wayward drop. The Boulder Boogie training sucks and hurts but I’ll tell you it pays off in some cool ways. I get older everyday, but I get stronger and faster too. That growth’ll probably slow down someday but maybe it won’t. Maybe I won’t let it. 

No one ages like Gaston beeyotch!

Oooooo, a secret!

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First off, this diorama is pornographic right? Well to someone it is. Maybe it’s me. Maybe Jabba is giving Leia “the shocker” too. But more importantly this slimy and possibly sexy statue illustrates an important lesson for the day and that’s this one tip I can offer anyone who’s ever asked me “what’s something you did to you loose all that weight?”

Answer: Eat more and eat more often.

It’s easy really but maybe your definition of “easy” is skipping breakfast and having a shitty fast food lunch before fasting again until 6:30 or 7 at night at which time you gorge yourself and then have seconds on top of that and then some dessert all washed down with soda after not exercising at any point during the day.

Easy right?

But you know, climbing up stairs, running or even just walking fast won’t be if you keep that up for too long.

I turned my health around when I was almost at the tipping point yet I still drink soda once in a while. And eat ice cream and pizza and double cheeseburgers too. But not all the time. Most days I have a protein shake, a full serving of 2% milk and a 1/2 serving of some sort of 100% fruit juice first thing in the morning. Then 3 hours later I eat again something like 3 servings of turkey on extra fiber bread with a slice of provolone. And then 3 hours after that guess what? Yes indeed, I’m eating. Tuna with an Atkins bar or some dehydrated fruits or veggies on the side. And on and on every 3 hours till I hit the hay.

All these meals are examples but most run right around 300 calories per plate and I have tons of choices to keep from getting burned out on any particular taste. I also drink lots of water and a few cups of straight up black coffee each day too. Eating like this keeps my metabolism going and even if I do feel hungry, which I usually don’t, I know I’m eating again soon so it’s easy to manage. Still took will power to get to this point and still takes will power to stick with it but I feel it’s worth it.

When you eat better quality food and do so more frequently the regular cravings for anything and everything that may derail your fitness goals become easier to control and that’s if they don’t just outright disappear. I mean, I’ll always love me some California Pizza Kitchen or the heart shuddering combo of Long John Silver’s and Taco Bell (in the same meal!) but eating the way I do fuels the way I feel. And I feel damn good. So sweets treats are just that, a once in a while treat.

Eat more and eat more often. Choke down this simple fact and choke off years of bad habits. I did it and you can too. Do it today. Do it right now. Do it before you put another thing in your mouth. You never know when someone might try to blow up your Sail Barge and being able to run your ass off of it before it does so is a good thing.

It’s not the destination, it’s the trip (that hurts!)

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It’s been a hectic few weeks but the miles run are getting faster and the weight or distance carried (or both!) of my Boulder Boogying is increasing as well. The latter thanks in part I’m sure to a new workout I devised and run at least once every other week. It’s called “Nine Circles” and if you don’t get the reference read a book! Nine rounds of varying poundage and footage. First time I ran this I think only three laps were doubles (one of my backyard laps is about 300′) and I used a lot less weight. With good eating and consistent training I’ve grown and it shows. Still not sleeping enough thanks to home decoration projects and Gears of War: Judgment but there is no normal life there is just life right? So here it is:

1) 100# for 300′

2) 100# for 600′

3) 125# for 600′

4) 125# for 300′

5) 100# for 300′

6) 125# for 300′

7) 100# for 600′

8) 100# for 300′

9) 125# for 600′

No more than 3 minutes of rest between rounds.

Sure I’m real sore from all this and it hurts, like the huff-puff scream breathing kind of hurt but I do really enjoy it. I like to jump over things and run fast and make my forearms burn and my lungs catch fire and my stomach hate me and so many really painful things. I like them. It all hurts. But stopping hurts more.

I just can’t ever stop.

I want to go out gritting and grinning. Because with the scars, with ever kink in every step, there is life. Disease, disability and ultimately death are chasing me down, chasing all of us down, so why make it easy for that bony bastard? I’m not scared of him but I’ll at least make him work for it. 

One step closer…and nothing’s broken yet!

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Two months of Boulder Boogie training is now gone just like that. It’ll be January and the Highland Games again before I know it but I know I’ll be ready. Took 125# for a walk between seven and eight hundred feet last week and it wasn’t too bad. Tons of protein but not enough sleep as of late thank you ALIENS: Colonial Marines. At least in a few days Gears of War: Judgment comes out so…wait…shit…I’ll sleep again in May or something.

Despite the Sandman, I’m staying healthy and eating pretty clean and keeping any crud out there at bay. Probably due to bourbon, vodka or a combo of the two. Ramped up workouts haven’t hurt either. Still winded and beat up by the end of them all but I’m improving in strength and in speed. Ergo in power.

So last night was this:

1 300′ lap with 100# +

3 pullups +

5 dips +

7 pushups +

9 sledgehammer slams on the tractor tire +

A Handstand

10 rounds

Took about 45 minutes to get done. The point of having two precision moves at the end of each round should not be lost on you. Time was I couldn’t do a handstand even fresh but now with consistency I’m able to hold one even after lots of other taxing things have been done. Of course the threat of bashing the ground ungloriously with my face is a great motivator but I’d have never gotten there at all had I not pushed myself into the challenge.

The Boulder Boogie is ruled mainly by pure muscular expenditure but with forethought and focus you’ll get farther than someone who left that out of their training. Getting mad-dog mean is great, it’s necessary, but that’s berserker rage and the longer you can hold off seeing red the farther you’ll go whether you’re running, rowing or lugging some ornery rock around a well tread field.

And tire slams and handstands require you to focus through the exhaustion, lightheadedness and ever present voice in the back of your skull screaming “slow down or, better yet, just quit!” Hulk like force is awesome until you’re wielding a ball of steel on the end of a stick and you realize that if you let your mind wander you could end up taking out your tibia.

Precision in the midst of power is my precious. And I wants it. Figure out what you want and go after it too. You’ll be better for the chase.

P.S. I also want to be Daredevil. Have a nice day.

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