Archive for December, 2013

Western Watchins #58


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What the hell Chris?

You think you can watch a movie that’s not even technically a Western and then skip out on actually reviewing it just because Daniel Day-Lewis is in it?

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You’re goddamn right I can!


4 rounds for Gangs of New York and most of those for Daniel. 

Now here’s to you and yours, Happy New Years. See you in 2014 for more fighting, fucking and filling ours guts with fine spirits.

Till then, you know what to do.

Go Back to Hell “Elf on the Shelf” Day 12!


Ackbar on the Backbar!


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You can’t handle death of this magnitude Elf! It’s not a trap or a joke or a threat, it’s a promise delivered by the galaxy’s greatest admiral/ambassador/cephalopod!

You’re balls will be ours Elf! Ours and whiskey’s forever!

To everyone else, Merry Christmas.



Silent nights all round

Be grateful for everything

Find thanks and know joy


Go Back to Hell “Elf on the Shelf” Day 11!


Bear on a Chair!


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Aw look. It’s my teddy bear from when I was a kid. He was always there for me without being an intrusive piece of shit. And even though he has what you could argue are black soulless eyes one look into them will assure you he’s filled with nothing but kindness. Look into the Elf’s eyes and you’ll see the director’s cut of Event Horizon. So remember:

Bear on the Chair will love you forever.

Elf on the Shelf will rape your soul. Also forever.

Go Back to Hell “Elf on the Shelf” Day 10!


Soap on a Rope!


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You might think Wolverine wouldn’t need any help but did you see Origins? Plus soap-on-a-rope is so 70s old school amazing. It brings a modicum of distinguished class to this admittedly abrasive listing of elven alternatives. Time to scrub your bub once more with feeling.

And sexy cowboy themed bondage playtime.

And Brad Pitt.

What’s that you said Elf? You want me to hit you as hard as I can!

No problem Elf, no problem at all.

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