Posts tagged Gossip Girl

It’s a Piece of Cake to Bake a Pretty Cake


Recipe for a Thanksgiving Weekend that will leave you longing for more:

Begin Wednesday night with Gears of War, throughout the night add as much Vodka as necessary and 2 to 3 microwave burritos when needed.

Begin Thursday morning with a physical challenge of some sort preceded by a light breakfast and a shot of Irish Whiskey. Immediately follow the workout with rough sex before showering and preparing for guests.

Cook and entertain.

Clean up all the crap from cooking and entertaining before going to visit old friends. Watch portions of “Mac and Me” and “ThanksKilling” before trying to find a restaurant that is 1) open and 2) selling something other than turkey and ham. Return back to your friend’s house with a DiGiorno’s pizza and another microwave burrito in hand but not before discussing life and your dreams with your normally emotionally reclusive friend.

Check out “Pranked” and random ghost shows your friend has DVRed before returning home to watch Scott Pilgrim till you collapse.

Friday do nothing but sit around and watch all the shows you haven’t had time to up till now. This includes several episodes of Fringe, ANTM, Stargate Universe and Gossip Girl. You are already caught up on Vampire Diaries because Damon Salvatore is too hard to resist.

Awake early on Saturday and drive due West through such charming little towns as Clermont, Mascotte and Mabel. Arrive at Weeki Wachee and bask in the glow from the only city of live mermaids.

Feed a peacock some of your cheeseburger.

Drive home and take a nap and then get up and go dancing. Said dancing should preferably be to 80’s music. If they throw in new Depeche Mode that is okay.

Don’t forget to pregame.

Buy two rounds at the club, slip out for a slice of pizza at Planet Pizza and then go dance a little while longer to work off the pizza and make room for Steak N Shake.

Drive to and eat at a Steak N Shake. Try their new peppermint milk shake and feel refreshed by the holiday calories.

Sleep at some point. At least for a bit. Then get up way to early and have sex. Then realize you are still pretty tired and the farmer’s market doesn’t even open up till noon so go back to sleep.

Get up and have more sex. Then go to the farmer’s market and buy peppermint and cinnamon honey. Buy palmetto honey too. A big damn jar.

Visit the Spiral Circle and stock up on incense. And get a message or two.

Go to Publix and shop for any groceries you might need.

Come home.

Do stuff.

Have sex again. Yes, for the third time.

Fall asleep and know that life is awesome and you have so very, very much to be thankful for.

Blasphemous Rumors


What am I doing right now? Being creative. Found a new outlet, a new inspiration, a new muse if you will. What is it? What is happening at this very moment you ask? What could it be that’s awakening such excited elucidation? Well…that’s one secret I’ll never tell.

Gossip Guy 😉

In all truth I can’t tell you. If you know me you know I’ll share just about anything and everything and I’ll do so here as well now that I’m tapped in and riding this cyber wave of information sharing called the blogosphere. So weird and so lame sometimes. Blogging. I was discussing this with a co-worker at lunch. No matter how mundane your blog is i.e. “my dog pooped today!” or “hey, I made egg drop soup” or “man, isn’t Brad Pitt awesome?” or “hey…I pooped today”, no matter the content you are infinitely interesting to someone out there. Your life is more interesting, complex or fun filled than that person and they crave your daily tidbits.

And honestly that’s sad.

Now don’t get me wrong. I want you to read this blog. You my friend are getting in on the ground floor of what is certain to be something very, very special. A once in a lifetime experience. I guarantee it. That’s in writing somewhere. Well, right here I guess. So I better deliver huh?

But no, I’m not gonna slip up and tell you what has me all riled up at the moment. Nope, that’s for me and mine and those with whom we choose to share.

Damn, that statement alone is total awesome-sauce. Of course that could be the vodka talking. But I doubt it. All alcohol does is drop the flood gates. You don’t do anything drunk you don’t really want to do anyway.

Think about that.

And think about this. I was saying some folks are reading this and it’s the highlight of their fucking day. Now like I said I do want you to read this and enjoy it and laugh or cry or go punch something as the feelings herein elicit but…big butt…like Jabba the Butt big…

Break…wave of thoughts here…the thing I can’t tell you about…man…I can’t even describe the levels of WTF I’m experiencing here…I had to stop texting to write this very line…how’s that for being right inside the thought process of one Tentacle Chris?

Now…back to the “but”. Look, enjoy this yes. I’m sharing all this, my experiences, my thoughts, my angers and joys because I want to but I have all these things to share because I am living.


Not just breathing and getting up and going to a cubicle and working out and eating and then sleeping but all that important stuff in between…I’m living. Maybe for the first time in my entire life.

Did you know I was engaged to a girl before Angie? Dated her for seven years and then said “STOP!” with the wedding invitations in the mail. I couldn’t do it. I knew deep down in my soul it wasn’t right and that I’d exist with this person but never truly live. Yeah, I was a real schmuck to drag it out that long. I sucked no doubt. But in the end waiting that long and taking the path I took led me into Angie’s arms…and a truly amazing existence.

Now don’t get me wrong, those first few years were rough. Real rough. Like a sandpaper hand job rough. But we made it. Past where many marriages disintegrate into divorce or worse into a relationship devoid of any love whatsoever. But we made it. And we grew and matured and evolved and let the chips fall where they may (thanks Tyler) And that’s where I am right now. At the precipice of a great emotional and creative wave ready to crash down into pop culture and the lives of all those around us.

We are a force to be reckoned with. A fucking force of nature. Shit, maybe we can’t even control it but control isn’t always a good thing. Let go man…just…let…go (thanks again Tyler)

See, if you’re reading this and freaking out or trying to figure out what has me so freaking freaked then dammit man, or dammit woman, stop worrying about me or wishing you felt this way and just go live. Really live. Take a risk, do something that scares the shit out of you, talk to that person you never thought you would. Life is a fucking blink. And then it’s gone.




for things to be perfect. They never will be. That’s life. Go grab it. Feel like I do right now. And be one of the few who ever stops being scared and




Talk with you soon
(and you better have some of your own stories to tell!),

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