Posts tagged Optimus Prime

My Kup Runneth Over


I want so many transformers. Sometimes a wave comes out with great G1 homages and I buy them all. Then next wave I decide I don’t need hundreds of plastic minions sitting around the house or worse in a box stuffed away in some other part of the house. I go back and forth like this all the time. I have a friend who made a very wise decision years ago and it’s helped him to avoid this dilemma. He only collects Optimus Prime and usually only one version of any specific mold to boot. That choice makes his pursuit somewhat affordable and display case efficient. But I get bored easily and what I just love today is what I kinda like tomorrow and will totally pass up in a week or two.

I’m bad that way.

But that’s good.

When I get in to something hot damn I am so into it for always varying lengths of time. Until I’m not and then something else comes along. It’s a blessing and a curse. My captivation burns bright but burns oh so quickly. At least Hasbro saved me some stress a few years back when they dropped “A Real American Hero” completely as a tag line for all their G.I. Joe toys. I promised myself I’d never buy another Joe product once that happened. That is a full and fiery topic for another discussion but once 1/2 of my favorite childhood memories removed themselves from contention my need to make even bigger decisions between the two was greatly soothed. And as badly as they’ve fucked up G.I. Joe in the last few years they’ve actually done pretty right by the bots. With the 25th anniversary editions, the Generations line and now the “Reveal the Shield” series I’ve been pleased to buy more than a few Transformers recently.

Though the “Reveal the Shield” stuff does make me laugh.

It’s a hey-kids-look-at-this-awesome-gimmick gimmick which those of us over 30 will remember fondly as the wildly low tech addition of heat sensitive faction stickers to characters you already know damn well whose side they’re on. (Oh? Optimus Prime’s an Autobot? Wow, I never knew!) And as bad as many of us have wanted to rub one off on Arcee this isn’t what we had in mind. It’s just not as satisfying. But if I masturbated and along the way my dick would tell me if I was an Autobot or a Decepticon I suppose I wouldn’t mind. Even better if your dick was either wood, fire or water. Then you and your buddies could play Battle Boners! The battle for the fun of it after all that is until some asshole shows up with the Sunburst and trumps all your junk with his. Who’s a dick now right?

What was I talking about? Oh yeah I’m at Target today after hitting Home Depot for an adjustable sawhorse, two hook eyes and a rubber tarp strap that looks rather like a tentacle and I find a Scourge, two Perceptors and two Wreck-Gars and I’m immediately torn. I could buy all of these but really…do I really want them? My wife just bought me “Special Ops” Jazz last week. And I love him, I do. Every time she has to change the dressing from my surgery I turn on “Adventure Time” and transform Jazz to distract myself. I never had him as a kid and because Angie went crazy trying to find him he means a lot to me. But as much as I like him, and pretty much every other Transformer ever, must I get them all like so many Pokemon?

I will never decisively decide. I know this.

I didn’t buy those today. But when I see Kup and Lugnut and Tracks and Grapple I’ll buy them on the spot!

Or maybe I won’t.

Till then I have Jazz and he’s one awesome bot.

Sometimes that’s all I need.

Hear me talk…I know, weird right?


I’ll be on the Anime Addicts Anonymous Podcast¬†tomorrow discussing naughty things. Like Prime on Magnus fan fics.

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